The Power (and Peril) of Praising Your Kids — New York Magazine

This ought to be required reading for all those parents out there that, in George Carlin’s words, have a “kid fetish.” (Listen to http://www.google.com/musics?lid=oxidBtaOciM&aid=4CJ5LOOrjEK&sid=LT6KDIPAjOB) That is, they worship every little thing junior does and they let him know it. “Oh Junior, you did such a great job picking your nose. I’m so proud of you!” I don’t know about you, but when I meet a kid who is constantly praised by his parents for being smart in every little thing they do, they usually turn out to be a brat.

I can’t tell you how many kids I grew up with that were really good at some sport when they were 6, 7 and 8 and were burnt out and average by the time they reach high school for the simple reason that they stopped working and rested on their laurels because they were “good”.   My favorite hockey coach’s favorite motto was always “Hard work beats talent any day that talent doesn’t work”  And at that age, it was often the case that talent wasn’t working.

I think all the psychologists out there have forgotten where the “self” in self-esteem comes from. It doesn’t come from being constantly praised for every little stupid thing you do, it comes from within, i.e. the “self”, and is built upon the realization that you are capable of doing hard things when you work through the problem.  It comes from realizing that you are capable of figuring it out and that you aren’t going to give up until you do so.  One thing I always stress to my son is “it is all right to not be able to do something, it is not all right to not try or give up too soon. You will be able to do it eventually.”   Only as an adult, do I think you can really figure out when it is best to move on to something else.  For kids, they should be encouraged to keep at it until they get it.

parenting, self esteem, too much praise

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This entry was posted on Friday, February 16th, 2007 at 10:32 pm and is filed under Misc., Parenting, statistics. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.